Children & Parents
Ephesians 6:1-4
Having addressed God’s covenant picture of Christ and His Church, that is marriage, Paul is now addressing the two other “relationships” that occupy most of our lives. The foundational truth in his marriage text shapes all other relationships that Christ’s people have on the earth. Remember, once again, this is “Body Truth”.
Ephesians 6:1-4 Children and Fathers: Bear in mind that there is no age limit on Eph. 5:1-21. Children and Fathers in our text are to be “governed” by the Body behavior in 1-21 because all are to be “Followers of God as dear children”.
Vs 1 Paul is very blunt-“children obey your parents”, no ifs, ands, or buts about it! We must not overlook the next two phrases, however. Col. 3:20 adds “in all things”!!!
“In the Lord”– This phrase is similar to 5:21, “in the fear of God”, and 5:22, “as to the Lord.” Children must be aware that it is never just “me against them”. From the earliest age, they are to be taught to live in the constant awareness that God is Lord of Heaven and earth, and they belong to Him, by Creative Right, and we would pray, by Redemptive Right. And we must give an answer to Him no matter what!!!
“For this is right”. From the their earliest days, children must understand that there is right and wrong, there is righteousness and unrighteousness. Obedience to parents is the first “school room” of this lesson.
Vs 2 “Honor your father and mother......” A direct quote from Ex. 20:12, Lev. 19:13, Deut. 5:16. This is the Lord’s commanded will in all ages. It doesn’t change according to society. Growing up in a God ordained family (whom God has joined together Matt. 19:6) is God’s ordained means to a healthy, peacefully functioning society! This if first of all true in the Body of Christ, and then as salt and light to a fallen world. NOTE: It is not the churches responsibility to raise our kids any more that it is societies job, especially when it comes to spiritual training.
Vs 2b-3 “This is the first commandment with promise: “That it may be well with you and you may live long upon the earth.”
Beloved, these are not idle words! There is no greater proof needed than the destruction that has occurred in segments of our society caused by the destruction of God’s family covenant. Young people killing one another, dying of drug overdoses are the residual effects of a disobedient lifestyle. Apart from this commandment and it’s promise, kids grow up as weeds all too soon to be cut down and burned. Remember, this is God’s commandment and standard, not ours and we must give account to Him.
While it is true that the good often die young, and faithful parents sometimes grieve over prodigal children, none of that changes that this is the Word of God and this is His Declared Will! Col 3:20b “For this is well pleasing to the Lord.”
Vs 4a “And you fathers”– Did you notice that mothers aren’t mentioned? The same is true in the parallel passage in Col. 3. Fathers are first of all to be husbands, and therefore, are the head of the family, and therefore, responsible for the raising of the children, spiritually as well as physically, emotionally, and every other way you can name!!! Godly husbands and fathers aren’t just to bring home the bacon! Satan will do everything in his power to distort and destroy this truth.
“Do not provoke your children to wrath” This doesn’t mean, don’t make them mad.
Provoke–#3949 “To anger alongside, to enrage, to arouse to wrath.” New Strongs
It means to not live in such a way that sows the seeds of rage and anger in the soil of their hearts. Angry people most often have had a “provoking father” at the root. Col. 3:21 gives the other great danger of a father that doesn’t fear God. “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” Anger, fear, and a feeling of never being quite good enough usually come from a “provocative” father.
Vs 4b “but bring them up in the training (KJV-nurture) and admonition of the Lord.”
II Tim. 1:3-7; Acts 16:1-3 Strangely, the best example of this “nurturing” I can find in Scripture is at the knee of a grandmother and mother. Timothy’s father may not have been a believer or even deceased. This clearly shows that the spiritual child training role isn’t the fathers’ alone.
Notice in II Timothy 3:15 that “the genuine faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded in you also.” Now notice the “nurturing curriculum”–“and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus”. In context, they taught him the OT which leads to Paul’s “All Scripture is give by inspiration of God......” The context of Paul’s Inspiration text is Timothy’s spiritual upbringing by his mother and grandmother!!!
Notice: “of the Lord”. This is not a mere “catechizing” them, learning some confession by rote or some Bible verses for that matter. Father’s, we are responsible to teach them that their true nourishment and guidance comes from the Lord. We are to model this by our active and visible dependance on the Lord in all things. How?
1 Make sure your view of the Heavenly Father has been learned at Jesus Feet!!! (John 14:7-11) Your earthly father is not to be your model. If he was a good one, he will have pointed you to the Loving Heavenly Father. Deficient fathers reproduce deficient fathers and inadequate mothers.
2. Loving your wife, their mother, just as Christ loved the Church. There is not an ounce of male chauvinism nor male superiority in Christ Jesus. Remember, He gave Himself for her!. Model sacrificial love for your wife. Remember, her God given role is to complement yours, not to be put under yours.
3. Your work is not your life!!! That job is not the supply of your needs!!! Live practically and evidentially on Phil. 4:19, “My God shall supply all your needs according to HIS RICHES in glory by Christ Jesus.”
4. When you are wrong, admit it openly! It’s not a failure to be wrong. It’s a failure to not admit you are wrong. And if your are never wrong, may God have mercy on your soul.
5. SAY YOUR SORRY!!! See #4
6. Never ever be an absent father. Father’s set the tone, the standard, and work to assure the peace in the home. It’s not the mother’s responsibility. BE THE HEAD!!!
Ephesians 6:1-4
Having addressed God’s covenant picture of Christ and His Church, that is marriage, Paul is now addressing the two other “relationships” that occupy most of our lives. The foundational truth in his marriage text shapes all other relationships that Christ’s people have on the earth. Remember, once again, this is “Body Truth”.
Ephesians 6:1-4 Children and Fathers: Bear in mind that there is no age limit on Eph. 5:1-21. Children and Fathers in our text are to be “governed” by the Body behavior in 1-21 because all are to be “Followers of God as dear children”.
Vs 1 Paul is very blunt-“children obey your parents”, no ifs, ands, or buts about it! We must not overlook the next two phrases, however. Col. 3:20 adds “in all things”!!!
“In the Lord”– This phrase is similar to 5:21, “in the fear of God”, and 5:22, “as to the Lord.” Children must be aware that it is never just “me against them”. From the earliest age, they are to be taught to live in the constant awareness that God is Lord of Heaven and earth, and they belong to Him, by Creative Right, and we would pray, by Redemptive Right. And we must give an answer to Him no matter what!!!
“For this is right”. From the their earliest days, children must understand that there is right and wrong, there is righteousness and unrighteousness. Obedience to parents is the first “school room” of this lesson.
Vs 2 “Honor your father and mother......” A direct quote from Ex. 20:12, Lev. 19:13, Deut. 5:16. This is the Lord’s commanded will in all ages. It doesn’t change according to society. Growing up in a God ordained family (whom God has joined together Matt. 19:6) is God’s ordained means to a healthy, peacefully functioning society! This if first of all true in the Body of Christ, and then as salt and light to a fallen world. NOTE: It is not the churches responsibility to raise our kids any more that it is societies job, especially when it comes to spiritual training.
Vs 2b-3 “This is the first commandment with promise: “That it may be well with you and you may live long upon the earth.”
Beloved, these are not idle words! There is no greater proof needed than the destruction that has occurred in segments of our society caused by the destruction of God’s family covenant. Young people killing one another, dying of drug overdoses are the residual effects of a disobedient lifestyle. Apart from this commandment and it’s promise, kids grow up as weeds all too soon to be cut down and burned. Remember, this is God’s commandment and standard, not ours and we must give account to Him.
While it is true that the good often die young, and faithful parents sometimes grieve over prodigal children, none of that changes that this is the Word of God and this is His Declared Will! Col 3:20b “For this is well pleasing to the Lord.”
Vs 4a “And you fathers”– Did you notice that mothers aren’t mentioned? The same is true in the parallel passage in Col. 3. Fathers are first of all to be husbands, and therefore, are the head of the family, and therefore, responsible for the raising of the children, spiritually as well as physically, emotionally, and every other way you can name!!! Godly husbands and fathers aren’t just to bring home the bacon! Satan will do everything in his power to distort and destroy this truth.
“Do not provoke your children to wrath” This doesn’t mean, don’t make them mad.
Provoke–#3949 “To anger alongside, to enrage, to arouse to wrath.” New Strongs
It means to not live in such a way that sows the seeds of rage and anger in the soil of their hearts. Angry people most often have had a “provoking father” at the root. Col. 3:21 gives the other great danger of a father that doesn’t fear God. “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” Anger, fear, and a feeling of never being quite good enough usually come from a “provocative” father.
Vs 4b “but bring them up in the training (KJV-nurture) and admonition of the Lord.”
II Tim. 1:3-7; Acts 16:1-3 Strangely, the best example of this “nurturing” I can find in Scripture is at the knee of a grandmother and mother. Timothy’s father may not have been a believer or even deceased. This clearly shows that the spiritual child training role isn’t the fathers’ alone.
Notice in II Timothy 3:15 that “the genuine faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded in you also.” Now notice the “nurturing curriculum”–“and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus”. In context, they taught him the OT which leads to Paul’s “All Scripture is give by inspiration of God......” The context of Paul’s Inspiration text is Timothy’s spiritual upbringing by his mother and grandmother!!!
Notice: “of the Lord”. This is not a mere “catechizing” them, learning some confession by rote or some Bible verses for that matter. Father’s, we are responsible to teach them that their true nourishment and guidance comes from the Lord. We are to model this by our active and visible dependance on the Lord in all things. How?
1 Make sure your view of the Heavenly Father has been learned at Jesus Feet!!! (John 14:7-11) Your earthly father is not to be your model. If he was a good one, he will have pointed you to the Loving Heavenly Father. Deficient fathers reproduce deficient fathers and inadequate mothers.
2. Loving your wife, their mother, just as Christ loved the Church. There is not an ounce of male chauvinism nor male superiority in Christ Jesus. Remember, He gave Himself for her!. Model sacrificial love for your wife. Remember, her God given role is to complement yours, not to be put under yours.
3. Your work is not your life!!! That job is not the supply of your needs!!! Live practically and evidentially on Phil. 4:19, “My God shall supply all your needs according to HIS RICHES in glory by Christ Jesus.”
4. When you are wrong, admit it openly! It’s not a failure to be wrong. It’s a failure to not admit you are wrong. And if your are never wrong, may God have mercy on your soul.
5. SAY YOUR SORRY!!! See #4
6. Never ever be an absent father. Father’s set the tone, the standard, and work to assure the peace in the home. It’s not the mother’s responsibility. BE THE HEAD!!!